Good Families Are No Accident

We just began a new series entitled Great families are no accident.  We talk about having a great family but how many of us would settle for good families? However God has so much more for us. So in this series we are really going to dig in God’s Word and we are going to unpack some things that I believe will help us in our families and give you some tools over the next few weeks. So many are trying to build a foundation for their families but on the wrong foundation.
Luke 6:46-49   ⁴⁶ “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? ⁴⁷ As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. ⁴⁸ They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. ⁴⁹ But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

So many today are trying to build a foundation on the wrong foundation. In our marriages and families we are building a house and what Jesus is saying here is if you want a great family it has to be built on the right foundation.

Notice Jesus says when the floods came not if they come. I want to talk to you about how important it is for intentionality in your marriage and in your family.

When it comes to families, all of us are in a different place.  There are all different types of families: blended, single, single again, etc. Often times the things that bring us the most pain, heartache, sorrow and stress are those family relationships. However we could all agree that the things that can bring us the most joy, fulfillment and happiness are also those family relationships. When families work well it is the most awesome blessings that God can give us this side of heaven that God has given us. However when they are not working well it can be the most painful thing this side of heaven that we are dealing with.

So we understand what is at stake. What is at stake is huge here. What is at stake is the family. If you are new here you are probably thinking I am going to open up the Bible and show you all those examples in the Bible of healthy, prosperous and happy families so we can learn from them. Actually the Bible is just the opposite. There were a lot of messed up families in the Bible.

The Bible is filled with so much pain, drama and dysfunction in the family. It starts with Adam and eve and then you have Cain and Able. We have murder in the first chapter by Cain killing his brother Able. Cain and Able are two examples and then we go to Abraham and see his nephew Lot goes down to live at Sodom and Gomorrah.  If you have a family member that is thinking about living in Sodom try to stop them. You have all the pain of Lot living there and losing his wife. Then you have Joseph’s brothers wanted to kill him and sell him into slavery and all the drama there. The Bible starts out with the craziest things happening in the family.  One of David’s sons rebels and wants to over throw him and kill his father.  

We see in the New Testament all the people coming to Jesus and the pain they are having. So many people in the New Testament came to Jesus with family issues. One man son was oppressed, and another man comes to Jesus with a sick daughter. Mary and Martha are disagreeing and Lazarus is dead. We see all this craziness.

 Maybe you are thinking if so many of the Bible families were crazy how is there hope for me and my crazy family. How many of you have crazy family members? How many have at least one crazy family member? If you are not raising your hand, you may be the crazy one. The truth will set you free.

In the Bible there are also great stories of redemption in families such as Joseph and the prodigal son’s family. Our story with Jesus is God bringing us back into his family. We are the bride of Christ and one day we will be reunited with him for eternity.  The Bible is full of great hope.

However we are not in heaven yet. What do we do? The culture and society is against the family. I have good news for you because I want to introduce you to a person that can turn any situation around in your family. When he came on the scene, he totally revolutionized what marriage and family meant. He elevated marriage, women and children to a whole new dimension. He brought the family dynamic into a whole different realm. No longer is family just about procreation and social environment.

>>Family is the place you can enjoy the glory of God

Family is place you can experience the greatest blessings of God. Family is the place that has to do with God’s desire and destiny in your life. This person is going to make all the difference in your family and his name is Jesus.

When Jesus says dig deep and make me your foundation I will take you to a whole other level. Jesus says I am your foundation but you have got to dig deep. What seems impossible in the natural he can make possible but you have got to dig deep and make me your foundation. We are not building on what a television show says. We are not building on what social media says. we are not building on what the secular says. We are building on what the sacred says. Jesus said I am your foundation but you have got to dig deep.

There are Christians going around and they are doing some digging with their families but they are doing some superficial digging with a little rake and garden shovel clipping a few little weeds here and there. They are hoping things turn out well in the end. If you want your house, your family and your kids, you are going to have to dig deep.  Before this series is over we are going to help you to get rid of the rake and garden shovel and bring a bulldozer and heavy equipment in to build the right foundation. We are going to empower you and teach you and together we are going to dig deep.

This is where the rule and reign of Jesus is.  As we talk about the family we need to understand that just as natural families have customs boundaries, expectations and principles so does God’s family. So how am I to build my natural family now that I am in God’s family? Jesus imparted these revolutionary concepts that apply to marriage and family. These teachings were ground shattering to these people. When Jesus said let the little children come unto me, this blew them away for children were not of great importance. When Paul wrote about the husband and the wife and the equality in marriage in the kingdom of God even though their roles were different this blew them away.

Here are some revolutionary ideas that God set forth for the family:

>> God’s Ideal For The Family

Ephesians 5:21-24   ²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. ²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

**Wives submit to your husbands

“Are you telling me I am supposed to submit to him? You don’t know him.”  In our culture this is like a dirty word. You are sub to the mission it is not just your husband; it is to God so you can express the purpose and glory of God in Christ. Our culture is constantly pumping the opposite into us. Whether it is a commercial, a sitcom, the news or a movie our culture is not turned this way. Often they make the husband look disconnected, too busy, wimpy, dumb or lazy. Some of you would say: “yes that’s my husband.” Husbands let me tell you that are not the man God has designed you to be. There are fathers that are so disconnected that they have little or nothing to do with actually raising their kids.

God’s ideal may not be real for you right now but this is what God designed. You may not be where you need to be with it but this is where you must be heading.

**Husbands love your wives
Ephesians 5:25   ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

“Do you mean I am to love my wife like Christ loves the church? I am doing everything I can do just to survive that woman. I am giving her all I possibly can. you don’t know what I am dealing with .If you are going to experience the power and the blessings of marriage this is the ideal. It may not be the real in your life right now but it is the thing to do.

**Children obey your parents

Ephesians 6:1-2   6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—

Please hear me carefully… your children are not to dictate to you what they do. They do not tell you they are not going to children’s ministry, student ministry or to church. They do not tell you when they are going to date. The do not tell you, you tell them. I know this is not popular in our culture where every kid is a winner. There is no doubt we do what we do for our kids out of good intentions but that is a problem when it interferes with God’s intentions. I don’t care how good they are in sports; you are derelict in your responsibilities as a parent when you do not bring them up in the Lord. Parents wonder what happened to their kids and why they went the way they did and why they don’t love God and his church. Could it be that because you made sports, etc priority over God? Parents you can’t flippantly spend time with your kids while building your dreams and career and expect things to turn out okay.

**Sexual Purity- this is not what the world is telling you but this is what God is saying. You are to save yourself till marriage. This is contrary to our culture. You are to be faithful to your spouse. It is one man for one woman. It is not to be perverted. The world says it is okay but God says different. Get help to get out of this lifestyle. God loves you but he loves you too much to leave you this way. The world says you were born this way. God is the one who created you and he created you for his purpose and in his design.

How is the world’s way working for everybody? How is the world’s way of marriage, raising children, purity and just express yourself working out?

**this generation is marinated in pornography. We are going to see massive destruction if the church does not talk about it and stand up against it. It may be something you are struggling with but we have to say I know what God’s word says and I am going to go his way though I struggle. I am not going to go the way of the world. do you think God knows what he is talking about when it comes to family?

Some would say I know these are lofty ideals but is not the real. In the real world this is impossible. This is not realistic.  Yes it is. So what do we do? Some say but this is what I am dealing with in my family, what do I do?  “I am a single mom. We are both working. We already have problems. We already have problems with our kids. We are too busy, it is too hare and it is already too complicated. I am having trouble match my real with God’s ideal.”

>>What do we do with the gap between the ideal and the real?

God has a purpose for you. He gives you his grace to fill the gap. Our responsibility is to work toward his idea. We must make the decision that we are going to have his ideal for our lives and for our family and depend on his grace to take us there. He is not expecting you to be perfect rather he is expecting you to trust him. He is expecting you to give him the total control of your life. If it were easy, you would not need the grace of God. He has done his part with grace but what are we going to do?

Really you have two choices:

1. You can quit and do nothing. Is that going to be our response just because it is hare and difficult and the culture tells us it’s standard. Are we going to quit and forfeit God’s ideal because we feel like we can’t handle it? Are we going to quit because we don’t think we can do any better?

2. We can fill this gap with some faith, hope and love.  We can say what is at stake is too important, too sacred and too precious for me to quit.

If we can get the home right, we can see the biggest revival the church has ever seen. God has done his part with grace so  I am going to start filling this gap with faith, hope and love and I am going to be intentional in my family and I am going to dig deep and build our family on the right foundation. I am going to trust God to lead me to make the decisions that are best for my family. I am going to get the help I need to be what God created me to be.

I am not going to reduce God’s ideal to my real. Rather I am going to elevate my real to God’s ideal. How are you going to fill the gap? Are you going to give up like the world and culture or are you going to strive for his idea. Say yes to his ideal. Good families are no accidents. It takes dedication and intentionality.